The vision of 2020 and the reality of it in 2021

 Well I, like most everyone else, had high hopes for the New Year of 2020. I was going to continue to get my shit together, push harder in my fitness regimen, get a bit out of my comfort zone to achieve set goals and finally, FINALLY, finish editing my rough draft of my first solo project and publish it at the end of the year.

Spoiler alert: None of that happened.

In the beginning of the pandemic I thought to myself, " Okay, so we'll get this coronavirus thing under control. We'll stand home for a few weeks and kick it a bit and then get back to the regularly scheduled program." 

Only we didn't. People we're getting sick everywhere, people were dying and as employers needed people to come back to work and schools needed students to start back with their classes thing gained a weird holding pattern. It was the beginning to the return that stayed just out of sight. Friends passed that I wasn't able to go to their funerals. Weddings happened. Births happened. Life happened but through the lens of my phone or the screen of my computer.

I loss my job teaching yoga as I needed to stay home for the kids virtual learning. The time that I had planned for finishing up at least one writing project fizzled away and I felt like I was at risk of loosing everything. Anxiety of the past ramped up and set me into a depression. I felt unmoored. I got a therapist.

She helped me so much with 2020 feels and then some. Slowly but surely I started to come back but I was different. I was ready to face reality, ready for a challenge that I was hungry to succeed in. I was sick of overthinking and letting my anxiety have the wheel of the What-if nightmare train of thought. I wanted to step into my life and live it. I wanted to nurture that kindling to love my husband fiercely and honestly, have nothing between us but time and God. I wanted to pursue that crazy-big wish to be an award-winning author and make people eager to read as I am. 

This year isn't going to be like any other any of us have had before but it's a time that we're blessed with in a life that is not guaranteed. This year wasn't so much about resolutions as it was the year I made my 'This scares the shit out of me but I'm going to do it anyways because I don't want to stay were I am' list and push through all that distress until I reach that summit of breakthrough. 

Tell me, what's something that scares you or makes you uncomfortable that you want to achieve for yourself?